how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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