I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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