sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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