My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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