Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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