Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
