So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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