His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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