Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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