final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
