'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
