also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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