She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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