Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he was CRYING into my vagina
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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