watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
