i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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