She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
