my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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