I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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