drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
