but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
