Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
