Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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