I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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