Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
