i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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