how can u be prego again
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
