He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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