Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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