I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
