Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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