fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
