I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
