I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
