If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
