I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
