i always forget guys have bellybuttons
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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