I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
