i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i think we sleep fucked last night...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
