Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
