We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
