the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
