her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
