this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize