I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
