Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
