I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
