its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
