I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
