wakey wakey hands off snakey
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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