i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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