i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize