I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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