He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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