I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
