Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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