I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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