If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
