We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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