She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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