dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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