Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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