if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
