Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
