he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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