Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
