we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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