No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
