Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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