shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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