yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
