Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
